Drowning

Something is inside my mind, and it has made me emotionally weary.
Something i've been doubting since certain day.
Something which reason i've been wistfully searching. Why does it exist?
Hence, i tried to dive into it. My own mind.
It was deeper than i thought.
Consciously immersed myself into it, wishfully able to obtain an explanation of what's happening.
Everything is scattered, that it was frightening to open my eyes.
I realized that in the end, I was paralyzed by fear.
Losing my ability to swim and deeply drowned inside it.

Encounter

There are times i wish i could unmeet people.
It's not that i dislike them, for this feeling mostly occur toward the people i cherish being together with.
Probably because i vividly remember the first time i met these people, and how i develop and maintain my relationships with them up until now.
Every single thing in between is truly captivating, irreplaceable, and irreversible.
The feeling i got when i first met these people is something i can't replicate. The first time they interacted with or talked to me, and made me think "yes, i want this person to be around in my life".
The afterwards is even more precious.
I keep on looking forward to the next time i could meet these people again.
Because everytime i meet them, i discover something new. Little by little, the informations are gathered up.
I'm loving those times i carefully and secretly observed them to the most detailed part, such as their gestures, how they smell, the outermost layer of their skin, and how it feels when i have a physical contact with them. All of them have innately distinct impression.
Gradually, i know the stuffs or ideas which draw their attentions and make them emotional, their point of view, how they see and interpret things, and how they react to certain people or circumstances.
And before i realized, i've reached the point where these people are already become so close to me.
I know so much about them, so that i don't observe as much as i did before.

The relationship from total strangers to people i couldn't imagine what will my life be if i had not known them,
I'm falling in love with what is in between.

Sky

I always admire the sky. How it always has the image of vast freedom without boundaries in my eyes. How it always seems both so reachable and unreachable. I can look at the sky forever, and looking at it never fails to evoke many kinds of emotions inside me.

Some people are like the sky.

Have you ever admire someone very much that it both motivates and depresses you?
A person whose aura shines very bright that it's blinding.
This kind of person makes me want to strive for higher goals. Thus, makes me feel glad because i am still alive and able to do many wonderful things beyond my expectations.
Yet sometimes the deeper part of myself interferes.
I neither have a bright aura, nor a special part which can make me outstanding among people.
No, I'm not fine the way i am now. But i wish i was.
How can such person actually exists?
One thing i notice from this person, which i probably will never achieve, is a pair of deep eyes burning with passion, and something odd i don't understand. Something really pure and honest. Something which complete everything and makes those eyes gleam vividly, so that there are times i'm really scared of it.
Scared that i will never be good enough, and that i will never be able to pass my own boundaries.

The sky seems so near and graspable, while it's actually so distant.
Maybe that is why the sky is so mysteriously beautiful.