Recriprocal

Someone who born under a certain circumstance they never ask, unintentionally forged by the universe to be a being so strong, no known substance match them beating heart though it looks just the same to the ordinaries; what have they been through was something which is uncomprehended, even thousand of words combined could ever bring it to sense. How does it feel to be one?
How does it feel to be a being with a soul so vigorous yet impenetrable?
By a few they are deeply and sincerely loved, paradoxically those few are made of insecurities and broken pieces. Still, it is not because those few are hopeless being who thirst for safety, but simply because those few are the ones who is able to bear with an unknown shade beneath their secluded soul; a wound they buried deep they thought it is gone and not leaving any trace of scar.
They forget how to get hurt, they forget how to discern loves. They took everything for granted because they have been through so many, too many that every single thing turned blurry. They think what's around them are natural, it's supposed to be like that from the very beginning; they forgot their process.
So strong they have become, in a happy methodical illusion they live.
And those few, sent by the very same universe, pledged to walked behind them. Hurted, countinously scattered by their vision, yet keep providing the love which is hopefully able to bring them back to reality.
you look after them, but who will be looking after you?
have the universe sent another group of people who will be the neutralizer for 'those few'?
Human relation sometimes, a total chaos, isn't it?

On Jealousy

Jealousy simply occurs not because you want to monopolized certain someone. It is not because you want them only to be yours. I believe it is a manifestation of an egocentric thoughts; it is not the person, it is the place which is a reflection of the person, that you were afraid of losing.
You were afraid to lose the special place where you take long time to reach, together with continuous battle with yourself in between the quest. The place where you can naturally feel safe and wanted, where your true shine from the deepest and darkest part of your soul—you thought there isn't any light left there anymore—finally emerged, where you are undoubtedly the best version of yourself you could have ever imagined. And you, are petrified that your place will be snatched away in less than milliseconds. It is not possible, it is not possible, but noxious pompous thoughts make everything seems to make sense isn't it?

Jealousy was always my biggest fear.
Isn't jealousy a lucid symptom expressing how shallow your feeling is, and how you barely put sincerity and faith in the process of loving someone?
When you are willing to love unconditionally, there should not be even a slightest amount of jealousy emanated.
You demand from love, thus you feel jealous.
It is as if, something you have always treasured and protected, is going to be abruptly taken away from you and it is not coming back, ever again. Does it feel like that? Then what was everything up until now? Don't you want to have unwavering confidence in a bond you have been carefully established?
How sad it became when the delicate feeling you always treasure is suddenly flecked with impurities. It is supposed to be a dainty ripple but suddenly it is a raging wave. But yes, it doesn't have to be like this.
We never were able to choose the feelings we felt; we got hurt and weep over our own baffling frightful feeling, yet in fact we were all given the very same capability to overcome them. Amidst your tears, close your eyes and submerge into your heart. You know the root, you know the whys, and the only thing you can do is to make peace with whatever the reason is. It is all a matter of volition and relentless endeavor.

Excerpt / 01

Recieving the petite star candies together with a handwritten message, the lady was a little confused.
"Could you please pass this to her?" Still with a fluttering heart, the girl asked.
"Oh...sure. Thank you." The lady replied to her favor with a heartwarming smile as always.
Sharing a little awkward moment in subtlety, suddenly water droplets dripped from the faint blue sky.
"I'll be going back then," the girl gave the lady her best smile as a token of huge thanks.
"Quick, it's raining!" The lady exclaimed in worry.
The girl nodded, smiled once again, saying thank you, and walk away. Calmly stepping among the playful drizzle which seemed to be patting her gently for her courage, she giggled, oh such light rain will never harm us ma'am; well like mother like daughter I guess. With a lukewarm happiness flowing all over inside her heart, the girl who loved the rain went back relievedly.

Not long, the rain stopped.
The girl glanced upwards to the sky and laughed.
"My dear rain, you were such a tease weren't you? Or were you trying to dramatized thing for me?"

And suddenly it's sunny again. For the whole day.

Changes

I noticed, how things are changing. How I'm getting used to certain situations, or certain feelings.
I wonder if it's a good thing, or a bad thing.
I love how things are progressing, yet at the same time I wish they would stay the same.
Those things that once were special, are they turning trivial?
Those moments that I secretly looking forward to with a fluttering heart, are they turning subtle?
I miss my little steps, and rather than actually reach my destination, probably I'm fine with stepping forever.
Isn't every so often, not progressing is also a progress?

What happened today, they will stay still; they would not go anywhere. Those moments, those words, those feelings. In the future, even how badly you want to recreate them, you won't be able to do so. In the future, things that once special will too, turn ordinary. Eventually, little by little; and before you know it, the feelings that once were there, you will forget it.
Remembering such facts, it's vexing. And so with an aching heart I murmured, perhaps it would be better if I feel nothing at all.

I'm embracing the changes dearly, yet a part of me is left trapped with resentment.

Best friends

Now that I think about it, I nearly lose one and I'm glad I didn't.
That I did not, made me learned something.
It's not about how long you have been together, or how close you are to each other.
I learned that true friendship is about how life was giving you a little test, trying to separate you apart, yet you remained together in the end.
It's about how suddenly you developed some new good traits because they have always been such great influence, constantly supplying you with positive energies you need.
It's about the detours you took because in fact, you are two different person living two different lives, but you always magically find way back to each other; your hearts resonate way too well.

Everything was worth the wait, and the pain.
We were hurt and it's worth it, since we have finally passed the test with a perfect score.