Invert

Suddenly i become a selfish and probably, heartless human being.
I was wondering, that it's actually really uncomfortable and disturbing when all of a sudden you would like to contact, to hear from, or to have a little talk with someone —out of the blue. Not in a romantic way, but it's just a mere urge. But then, you can do nothing. Practically, i just can't.
It's kind of perplexing.
Then, the negative side of my brain took over everything before i realize it.
Presumably it would have been better if i had not met certain people.
I'm very conscious of it. Without the encounter, i would have missed immeasurable important circumstances and memories, which i treasure dearly up until now. Honestly, i don't want it. Deep inside the heart, no one wants it.
Life is after all a series of both wonderful and terrible events. A mystery load, specially picked and delivered to each individual. Mostly an enigma.
Life isn't only about the sparkling and glittering lights. There are also pitch black and somber darkness which is unfortunately, unavoidable.
Two inseparable aspects of life, i suppose.
But it's very troublesome; The mixed up feeling, the uneasiness and anxiety.
And, desperately trying to escape from such distressing condition is just so humane. No one to blame.

Perpetuity

This is funny, a renewal to the blog, all over again. How many times has it been?
That's all for the foreword.

I've been thinking for about a while now, how I hate it when my mind reminds me that everything in this world is not a perpetual one.
Then, will everything soon become an enormous lie?
All of the encounters I've been through, the moments I seize, everything.
There are some points where I reach the topmost happiness, or well it can be a feeling of grateful as well in this case, then suddenly everything is blurry.
Everything is not going to last forever. Sometimes my melancholic side forces me to just quickly get over it. Human feelings can be both severe and subtle, at least that's all I can concluded.
It's scary how people can be in the state of ecstasy on a certain period, then totally forget about it later on.
I would love to rewind moments, but then, it'll never become a memory.
Then again, memory doesn't last forever. I took photos, I wrote down everything, at the time I do so I was overflowing with an indescribable feeling. Still, it's impossible to convert a certain feeling into words. The next time I open my so-desperately-transcribed-memory-into-words, I'm hoping that the feeling from that time will come back and flow inside me once again but, no. There will always be a missing part. Kind of sad and vexing isn't it?

That's why, sometimes "just live the moment" may sounds so plain and usual but really, sincere enough.