I want to monopolize that safe place, not wanting anyone to touch or interact with it unless it's people I don't mind doing so. I know it's not going to be undiscovered forever because all over that place is a warm comforting light invisible to most people and eventually, everyone will turn around and realize it has been there for a long time, generously offering unconditional kindliness.
I thought I will always be the only one who knows, the only one who recieve protection and endearment, the only one who will stay for eternity. It feels natural to think so.
But, no. Even I am not allowed to stay for too long.
It is a safe place that belonged to everyone, seeking refuge over perplexions.
I know it won't be there forever for me either, I know it won't look only over me.
I don't want to go. I don't want my place there to be replaced.
What do I do if that safe place is only drifting further away each time I open my eyes after a night full of anxiety?
How I wish I could just take control over everything, including feelings.
I consciously hear a voice of resentment inside my head, which I swear I will never listen to. I do realize that sometimes I have a very sickening thoughts I better neglect than living with.
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